happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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