I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
