so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
