need another drink. this is the easiest way
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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