I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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