You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
