I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
