What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
