god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
