you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
