Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
