glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
