bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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