You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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