R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
