I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize