That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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