Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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