I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
