I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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