Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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