i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
