I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
