birth control should be required to get into college
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
