why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk is a universal language darling
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