i think i have two assholes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
