so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
