If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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