Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
