Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Boobs are out for the taking
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
