It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize