Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize