Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
