I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
