WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
