shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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