but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I need water and some morals
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
