I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
