I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
