It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
