i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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