FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
