Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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