I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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