I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
