This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
