And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize