I'm really into asian looking animals
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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