So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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