yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Everyone says I win the strip club
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
