I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
