Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
