and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
