You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
