Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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