update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
