Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
