Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
