I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize