Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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