Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
