Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize