Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
