btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
