I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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