Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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