That's intense
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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