Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
