this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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