i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize