i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
