i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
home. puking in laundry basket.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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