In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
