I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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