I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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