So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
