She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
