Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
