u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize