Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
