and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
