I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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