He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
