if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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