You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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