Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
