i need an iv and a liver transplant
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
